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Planning the service

What an order of service actually looks like — and the small practical things nobody warns you about.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. A 20-minute graveside gathering is a funeral. A three-hour service with multiple speakers and a meal afterwards is a funeral. Some families spend weeks planning; others have it sorted in two days. Both are fine.

A typical running order

Most NZ services run 45–75 minutes and follow a recognisable shape. Pick what fits — none of it is mandatory.

  1. Gathering music — 10–15 minutes as people arrive and find seats. Something they loved, or something quiet.
  2. Welcome / opening words — celebrant, family member, or religious leader. Sets the tone.
  3. Karakia or prayer if appropriate.
  4. First reading or song — a poem, scripture, or a song that meant something to them.
  5. Eulogy — usually the main speaker (often a child, partner, or close friend). 8–15 minutes is plenty.
  6. Tributes from others — siblings, friends, colleagues. 2–5 minutes each. Three to five speakers max or it gets long.
  7. Slideshow / photo tribute — usually with a song they loved. 4–6 minutes.
  8. Reflection / open mic — optional. Anyone who wants to speak briefly.
  9. Closing words and instructions — what happens next (committal, refreshments, where to go).
  10. Final song / leaving music — as people exit or as the coffin is carried out.

Print this on an order-of-service card so people know what's coming. Most funeral directors do this for free; a Word doc on A5 paper printed at home works just as well.

The slideshow

A photo slideshow is one of the most loved parts of any service. It's also the part families stress about most. It doesn't need to be perfect.

Picking photos

  • 40–60 photos is plenty for a 4–6 minute slideshow. More than that and people stop looking properly.
  • Roughly chronological works best — childhood, young adult, family, recent. The arc itself is the story.
  • Include other people, not just your person alone. Photos of them with friends, family, and at events let everyone in the room find themselves.
  • Don't worry about photo quality. A blurry phone snap of them laughing is worth ten posed studio portraits.
  • Ask family early. Set up a shared Google Drive or Dropbox folder and email it around. People will send things you'd never seen.

Tools that work

  • PowerPoint or Keynote — most people have one or the other. One photo per slide, set "Transitions → After 4 seconds" and "Loop continuously" in the slideshow options. Add the song as background audio. Job done in an evening.
  • Apple Memories (on a Mac or iPhone) — auto-generates a slideshow from a folder of photos with music, then export as video. Surprisingly good.
  • Google Photos → Movie — same idea on Android / web.
  • Canva — has free funeral slideshow templates if you want something more polished.

The funeral director can usually play it from a USB stick or laptop on the venue's screen. Bring it on a USB and email yourself a backup copy.

Picking the song

Their favourite. A song they sang. A song that played a lot in your house. Something with no lyrics if the lyrics would be too much. There's no rule. People remember the photos more than the song anyway.

Writing the eulogy

The eulogy is what people remember. It's also what people are most afraid of. Some practical guidance:

  • 8–15 minutes. Longer than that and people drift, however much they loved your person.
  • Tell three or four stories, not a chronological biography. People remember stories. They don't remember dates.
  • Funny is good. Real funny — the actual things they said, the absurd things they did. Permission to laugh is a gift to the room.
  • Read it aloud first, ideally to one person who knew them. They'll catch what's wrong.
  • Print it big (14pt+) and double-spaced. Number the pages. You will be shaking.
  • Have a backup. Ask a calm friend to be ready to read if you can't get through it. There is no failure here.
  • It's OK to cry while reading. The room is with you. Pause, breathe, carry on.

If writing it yourself feels impossible, your celebrant or funeral director will write one based on a conversation with you. That is also fine.

Decisions you'll need to make

  • Where — funeral home chapel, church, marae, beach, garden, RSA, golf club. Anywhere that fits the people you expect.
  • Open or closed coffin — there's no right answer. Some families find an open coffin gives people a chance to say goodbye properly; others find it too much.
  • Photos of them at the front — usually one large framed photo on an easel. Pick one where they look like themselves, not their best.
  • Flowers or donations — most families now ask for donations to a charity instead of (or as well as) flowers. "In lieu of flowers, donations to [charity] would be appreciated."
  • Refreshments afterwards — tea, coffee, sandwiches, scones. The funeral director's chapel often has a side room; otherwise a hall, café, or your home.
  • Who carries the coffin — usually 4–6 people. Family, close friends, anyone strong enough. Funeral directors will guide you on the practicalities.
  • Live-stream — most NZ funeral directors offer this for free now. Worth saying yes for family overseas, and people too unwell to attend.

A simple template

If you want to start from somewhere blank, this works:

  1. Welcome (celebrant, 2 min)
  2. Song they loved (4 min)
  3. Eulogy (10 min)
  4. Two short tributes (3 min each)
  5. Slideshow with second song (5 min)
  6. Reading or poem (2 min)
  7. Closing words and what happens next (3 min)
  8. Leaving music

Total: about 35 minutes. Add or remove as you need.

The information on this page is general in nature and does not constitute legal, financial, or medical advice. For advice specific to your situation, consult a qualified professional.

Dollar figures and entitlements change periodically. We link to authoritative sources where possible. Last reviewed: April 2026.

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